Why Going to the Gym Really WILL Kill You

Tonight at the gym (I know, I went two days in a row, STOP THE PRESSES!) I think I had one of the most embarrassing moments of my entire life. And now I'm writing about it on the internet, because you know the first thing that popped into my head as I flew off the treadmill? "This will be such a good thing to blog about."

Backing up a little...I was at the gym on one of the treadmills. I was never a big runner until this summer, when my roommates and I moved into an apartment one block away from the cutest park in all of Columbus (Goodale Park). I figured out that one loop around the park was equivalent to just under a mile, and off I went. Then, a few weeks ago, I was visiting friends in New York City and we watched part of the marathon. It was so incredibly moving (I wrote about it here in my old blog). That REALLY made me want to run a marathon...or maybe a 5k, because really, baby steps...and hence why I was on the treadmill tonight.

I had already been running for a while when this man, who was probably in his 40s and in no way attractive, began sprinting on the treadmill next to mine. I'm serious--he was sprinting like there were dementors nipping at his heels, trying to suck out his soul. The result, though, was that he started to get really winded and soon enough, sweat started flying everywhere...and onto me. I was really grossed out. I debated moving to another treadmill, but they were all taken, and I only had half a mile to go before I was going to stop anyway and go take a shower. So I stuck it out. WORST CHOICE EVER.

The following events happened in slow motion.

The man's breathing stopped all of a sudden, his arms flailed out to each side, and his left hand hit my right shoulder and somehow got tangled in my iPod cord. I was tired and didn't have the response time necessary to prevent the tragedy that occurred .05 seconds later, so I wasn't really surprised when I lost my footing and flew off the back of my treadmill. And yes--flew off the back, not just fell. FLEW. LIKE A BIRD.

Somehow by the grace of god, my head didn't hit any of the stationary bicycles behind the treadmills. My arm did, but who needs arms anyway? That's probably why we have two of them, just for incidents like this. Duh. The man was lying there next to me, sweaty and disgusting, and laughing uncontrollably. Laughing and laughing and laughing. Didn't even ask if I was okay, or apologize for being a moron. A few other people asked if we were alright, which we were. I mean, other than my arm, but geez Virginia, don't be so dramatic. It's just an arm.

I like to think that the Look of Death that I gave that man as he brushed himself off (and left me to pick myself up off the floor) was strong enough to sear his brain a little. What a jerk. Needless to say, I will NOT be going to the gym tomorrow.