500.000.00 Pieces of Bacon

From: vicepresident@canuckboosters.org
Date: November 12, 2007 7:33:29 AM CST
To: undisclosed-recipients
Subject: YOUR COMPENSATION FOR YOUR PASS EFFORT

Dear Friend,

I'm happy to inform you about my success in getting those funds transferred under the cooperation of a new partner from paraguay.Presently i'm in Paraguay for investment projects with my own share of the total sum. meanwhile,i didn't forget your past efforts and attempts to assist me in transferring those funds despite that it failed us some how.

Now contact my secretary his name is, Odikpo Nabort, please contact in his e-mail; (odinga888@yahoo.fr) ask him to send you the total of 500.000.00 which i kept for your compensation for all the past efforts and attempts to assist me in this matter. I appreciated your efforts at that time very much. so feel free and get in touched with my secretary Odikpo Nabort, and instruct him where to send the amount to you.

NB:NOTE :BELLOW IS THE REQUIRED INFORMATIONS YOU WILL SEND TO MY SECRETARY :-
(1) YOUR FULL NAME
(2) YOUR HOUSE ADDRESS
(3) YOUR DIRECT CELPHONE NUMBER AND HOUSE PHONE WITH FAX IF ANY.
(4) YOUR ID EITHER INTERNATIONAL PAS-PORT OR DRIVING LINCES,

Please do let me know immediately you receive it so that we can share the joy after all the sufferness at that time. in the moment, Iam very busy here because of the investment projects which me and the new partner are having at hand, finally, remember that I had forwarded instruction to the secretary on your behalf to receive that money, so feel free to get in touch with,Mr Nabort, he will send the amount to you without any delay. Give him address where he can send you the cheque.

Regards,
Dr James Promise

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Dear Dr. Promise,

Thank you for your kind letter. I'm afraid you may have me confused with someone else, as I have not--as you reference a few times with various spellings of the word "past"--given you any of my "efforts." Perhaps this means smiles? Maybe our paths have crossed on the street and we have exchanged greetings, in which case yes, you may refer to me as Friend. Not Best Friend and certainly not Best Friend Forever, but Friend will do for now.

You sound foreign, Dr. Promise, or perhaps you are new to the art of capitalization? Here in America, we do tend to capitalize proper nouns, such as Paraguay, as well as the first letter of every sentence. To not do so is fairly rude, especially in a letter referring to the transfer of such a large sum of money, unless you are doing so in text-message format. Tisk tisk on your business etiquette. But I forgive you. After all, losing money is quite hard, and I fear you are probably wracked with grief. But chin up, Dr. Promise, your name rings true with the hope that better days are on the way! You are a doctor--of what, I am unsure, maybe sunshine and second chances?--and I'm sure you will recoup this loss soon enough.

Come to think of it, I am not entirely sure how much money you have lost--if indeed it is money at all. No doubt that 500.000.00 is a lot of something. Dollars? Yen? Marbles? You tickle my fancy with this curiosity, Friend. Whatever it is, with its double periods and many zeroes, perhaps the lesson we learn from this is that you and your 500.000.00 pieces of string? bacon? your heart? were not meant to be, I'm afraid.

Enjoy your travels in South America with your secretary, Mr. Nabort, whose contact information I was unable to find within such a short, cryptic address. I'm afraid I'm untrained in such deciphering skills. I would have written to wish him luck as well, though I did not have the "informations" he desired--"pas-ports" and "celphones" and driving "linceses" must be native only to your land. I apologize. I so badly wished that I could have shared in your joy once your "sufferness" had ended. I assume this feeling is like suffering and bitterness together, and I cannot imagine such a thing, oh my word.

As you write, however, Mr. Nabort does seem "touched." If by this you mean he gives excellent backrubs, I dare say you are doubly lucky and have found a diamond in the rough after all! He will help you through this difficult time with his strong hands, mastery of kneading, and proficiency with sweet-smelling oils.

If you wish to send me a postcard, you clearly have my email address.

Best of luck,
Virginia