If I Had Live-Blogged My Saturday

If I had live-blogged my Saturday, it would have gone a little something like this. (Don't judge me--I am seriously a very responsible, mature gal in real life, but sometimes Margo [my wild, college alter-ego] takes over and there's just nothing I can do about it.)

10:00am -- Good morning! I am up! Awake! Feeling refreshed and ready to watch OSU slay Michigan!

11:15am -- Shower? Check. Dressed in all scarlet and gray? Check. OSU flag (complete with handy velcro attachments for wearing said flag around one's neck after a few beers) hung from the mantle? Check. Buffalo chicken dip in oven? Check.

12:15pm -- Alright! The game's afoot! Time for a drink!

12:30pm -- GAHHHH Michigan cannot score! NO NO NO!

12:43pm -- I swear, if the OSU quarterback falls down or drops the football one more time, I will march up to Ann Arbor and give him a SERIOUS piece of my mind. And by mind, I mean FIST.

1:12pm -- Okay, we're winning. Phew! Playing pretty horribly, but at least we're winning.

1:13pm -- Is my cup empty?!

2:02pm -- Better reheat the dip...and might as well make another drink.

2:47pm -- Oh hey, you're getting up to refill your beverage? Want to be a dear and top mine off?

3:26pm -- Hooray! We won! WE WON! Raise your glass! TAKE THAT WOLVERINES!

3:45pm -- I'm just going to rest my eyes for a minute...zzZZzzzzzZZZZzzzz

5:11pm -- I'm awake! I'm awake. Oooh...Titanic is on. We should create a drinking game for it? BRILLIANT!

5:15pm -- The Titanic Drinking Game Rules: drink every time the old lady reminisces, every time they show water, every time there is bad acting, every time there is a close-up of Jack's face, every time Cal gets mad, every time Rose has a costume change, and every time they reference social classes.

5:27pm -- Henceforth stricken from the TDG rules: drinking when there is bad acting. No mortal human can drink that much in the next four hours.

7:41pm -- Same goes for drinking whenever there's water. That is a whole lotta water, I tell you what.

9:05pm -- CELINE DION DANCE PAR-TAY!!! Wooooo!

9:31pm -- Yes, excellent idea! Let's do peppermint patty shots!! It's like Christmas already!

10:20pm -- Oh it's time to go out? Um, let me put on something that doesn't have dried guacamole on the front. Oh shucks, make up would be nice. Easy does it...steady with the mascara...GAHHH MY EYE!!!!!

10:39pm -- To the bars!! I can't even feel the frigid air outside! This is great!!!

11:04pm -- You asked what? If I come here often? Umm no, not too often. Yes, my friend and I ARE both wearing red dresses. No, we're not ladybugs. Oh you knew that? Then why did you ask? We don't smell like POTATOES, what the heck is that supposed to mean?! Yes, I will accept a free shot because you called me an insect.

11:48pm -- Hey, old acquaintances from high school. I have no idea what we're talking about. La la la. Oh you want to do some shots? Fab, me too.

12:13am -- For the love of god people, stop buying rounds of drinks. I feel like I'm going to explode. Ughhh.

12:27am -- Oh hey Rose. Yes, I know my feet were facing the wrong way in the bathroom stall. I'm okay. I just had to stare down some of my demons. Let's go dance!

1:02am -- Janie, I need some fresh air. NOW. Please come with me, please, I need to get out of here RIGHT NOW. Yes, I know there are cops by the door and we've certainly imbibed a lot, but we're just walking home...be cool, man, be cool.

1:11am -- Ahhh, this is much better. The air is crisp and filling my lungs with its crisp goodness. My tummy feels much bett--oh no. Janie, we need to walk faster.

1:27am -- Oh toilet, we meet again, old porcelain friend. Let me just lay my forehead on your cool seat. Yes, that's it. You know how to make a girl feel special.

1:49am -- I will never eat so much buffalo chicken dip and guacamole again. NEVER AGAIN. Ughhhhhh.

1:54am -- There is so much hair here on the floor. Where the devil does it come from?!

2:05am -- Ugh, my head is spinning. Mmmm the bathmat looks so comfortable, so inviting. Let me just lie here a minute in your warmth, yes, I'll just pull you around me and it'll be like a red fuzzy Virginia burrito. Oh no OH NO don't think about burritos, don't think about food at all. Just lie here and think happy thoughts...zzzzzZZZZzzzzzzZZZZZZZZ

2:34am -- Oh hell, did I fall asleep? It's cold in here. Stupid tile floor. Ruins everything...ZZZzzzzzzZZZZZzzzz

2:58am -- Hey, there's the spot by the shower where I killed that giant spider the other day. I wonder if spiders can come back as ghosts? Ghost Spider, if you can hear me, I didn't want to kill you. I really didn't, but you gave me no choice. I can't have frightening insects inhabiting my bathroom. If you had stayed in the garage, you would have been safe. Please tell that to your brothers.

2:59am -- Sweet Jesus, I hope there are no spiders on me...zzzZZZZZzzZZZZZ

3:17am -- Brrrr, it is FREEZING in here! I'll just stand up...slowly, that's it, nice and easy...grab some socks...and...GAH! Back to the bathroom!

3:20am -- Toilet, I will never leave your side again, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for you to feel abandoned like that. I'll just curl up right here again on the bathmat, my red fuzzy savior...zzzZZZZZzzzzZZZZZZZ

5:00am -- Must. Go. To. Bed. So tired. Huge cramp in my leg from lying on the floor for four hours. Never drinking EVER again.


I then fell asleep for four hours and had dreams about what it would be like to serve as Posh Spice's personal assistant. It included hiding tiny video cameras in the bathroom so that she could figure out if Becks was cheating on her with the nanny. Needless to say, I will never touch another drop of alcohol. Err...well...does wine count? No, no wine. Nothing. EVER.

...At least not until Thanksgiving, because how else will I survive so many hours with my family? I mean, my hangover will be gone by then...right? RIGHT???