Random Hump Day Thoughts

I woke up this Wednesday morning and there was glorious, beautiful snow blanketing everything in sight. I LOVE snow! Not just a little--I love it a LOT. It makes me think of childhood and cancelled school and snowmen and hot chocolate and putting a small mountain of oatmeal outside on Christmas Eve so that the reindeer would have something else to eat (just in case they weren't big carrot fans). Snow also makes me think of fresh starts. It covers up winter's less flattering traits--the bare trees, the dirty cars, the piles of dead leaves waiting by the curb for the pickup truck that will never come. Snow makes the perpetually grey sky look lighter and it makes the Christmas lights shine brighter. And I love feeling the crunch of it under my shoes and the tiny prick of cold as it lands on my cheeks. So thank you, Gods of the Weather, for the snow.

But! Today is Wednesday, and so in addition to my random ramblings about snow, there is some other random business to attend to as well:

Kissing Lessons
Ever thought of yourself as a bad kisser? Well fear not, New Yorkers! You can take kissing lessons from Michael Christian (pen name William Cane). A standard lesson costs $155, while the deluxe lesson--where instructors actually kiss YOU--costs $195. First off, what the heck kind of nom de plume is "William Cane"? Why not go all the way and choose His Majesty, The Best Kisser In All The Land, Lipslikegold McHotpants? Anyway, this fellow must be a genius if couples are actually going to him and shelling out that kind of money. Or maybe I just never realized that so many people out there were afflicted with Bad Kissers for Partners.Christian claims that these lessons are the most romantic gift you can give someone. Um, no. Not only would I be sorely offended, but come on, a diamond vs. kissing lessons? No contest. However, my curiosity is intrigued at just what "the music kiss" might be (humming to each other while locked in a passionate embrace?) and especially the "Trobriand Islands kiss." I looked up the Trobriand Islands on Wikipedia, and I don't think they sound like such a stellar place. Yes, they managed to turn their hedonistic war-loving urges into a fierce passion for aggressive cricket in colonial times, but they also still believe that in order for a woman to become pregnant, she must be infused with spirits from the nearby island of Tuma. They also really love yams. Yams + vicious games of cricket + spirits of dead people DOES NOT EQUAL good kissing. And so I am curious.

Handwashers Unite!
This week is National Handwashing Awareness Week! Have you heard of handwashing before? Need some songs sung by Henry the Hand to remind you how to do it? Well you are in LUCK! Learn how nose-picking and eye-rubbing lead to illness (um...duh) and find out how to prevent staph infections, nosocomial infections (???), the flu, and foodborne illness as well.

Mmmm Brownies
December 8 is National Brownie Day! I love brownies. A lot. Maybe more than snow, but they are in such different categories that it's really impossible to compare the two. Perhaps on Saturday, while I am mourning the anniversary of John Lennon's death, I will bake (or purchase, since I'll be in Chicago) some brownies and drop a little piece on the ground to honor those who sadly can no longer eat such delicious baked goods.

She Who Shall Not Be Named
My final thought on this hump day is not really a thought at all, more of an enticement of stories to come. My friend Aaron lives in NYC and it was recently leaked that he met and spent a considerable amount of time with a certain famous actress, whose name may or may not rhyme with Schmanne Fathaway and may or may not have starred in such movies that sound like The Krincess Riaries. I have no idea what the story is, only that many pictures were taken, and Aaron refuses to impart any more details until he posts them on facebook. The anticipation is killing me!

Happy Hump Day!