Thank you for all the wonderful gifts this year. I really needed a new suitcase, as well as the third season of Lost, and everything else was fantastic as well. Good job, old man! However, you forget to bring me a new job. Because remember how the one I have right now is so excruciatingly boring, how it stifles all my creativity and makes me wonder why I even went to college? And how it makes me want to sell my soul to the devil and do his bidding for the rest of time so that at least I'll have something to DO every day? Well, I am sitting here picking at the split ends in my hair and wishing that you had remembered, Santa. If it's just laying around the North Pole, feel free to send that new job my way. Otherwise, you can just forget about all those yummy cookies I've left for you over the years. I don't play that way anymore.
Sincerely,
A New Member of the Naughty List
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Dear Boss,
You know what? I am wearing SWEATPANTS to work today! Sure, they are black and stretchy and probably look like real pants from far away, but I have decided to take this whole "casual Friday" concept to a new level, seeing as I am one of five people in the office right now. And I won't be doing any work over the next seven hours, since there is absolutely nothing to do and you could have been a super awesome boss and given me the afternoon off, like all the other supervisors did. Hence, the sweatpants.
Hope you don't mind.
Virginia
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Dear Chuck Norris,
I recently heard that you are suing Penguin over the book The Truth About Chuck Norris: 400 facts about the World's Greatest Human.
I happen to have purchased this for a friend (who shall remain nameless because he has not yet received it) and before I wrapped it up in smiley reindeer wrapping paper, I leafed through it and had some good chuckles. But are you telling me that you did NOT accomplish the feats of strength and courage listed on its pages?? That you were NOT the first person to tame a dinosaur? You CAN'T charge a cell phone by rubbing it against your beard? You CAN'T cure cancer with your tears? For shame, Mr. Norris! What kind of wuss have you become?! Sincerely,
A Concerned Citizen
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Dear Sarah,
Thanks for our sisterly bonding date last night. It was good to go peruse the sales at Old Navy, eat at California Pizza Kitchen (mmmm my mouth is watering again just thinking about it), and see Juno. Please move back to Columbus after you graduate next spring. You are the cheese to my macaroni.
Love,
Mufasaaaa
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Dear New Running Shoes,
I hope you are the solution to my little shin splint problem. Who knew that running shoes lost all of their support after 500 miles? I certainly did not know until a few days ago, but I have since cast away my old shoes, traitorous pain-causing wenches. But oh, you are so pretty and smell so good. What is it about that new rubbery sneaker smell that is so intoxicating? I could sniff you for hours.
I wonder how many brain cells are dying as I type this.Many thanks,
Virginia's legs and feet
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Dear Readers,
Do you have any good punch recipes for a New Year's party? We're having people over to our place on Monday night and instead of just offering the usual festive fare of beer and wine, we were thinking of making some sort of punch. I've looked on various websites and quite frankly, everything listed there is a bit...lame. Oh I'm sure it tastes delicious, but this needs to be a hearty drink that will last the entire evening, warm everyone up, and make for a very good time. In other words, it needs to have more than just a wee little bit of champagne in it. I suppose I could call up some of Alex's fraternity brothers for their punch recipes, but I am not yet that desperate (and also have no desire to accidentally roofie my guests). I am thinking a delicious, strong-yet-classy punch. Or nog. Any ideas?
Have a great weekend!
Love you all to pieces,
VA
24 comments:
I don't know if this recipe is any good, but the best punch i've ever had was called "Happy Buddha" punch. I tried to find a recipe, but I couldn't locate under that name... but i did find one here:
http://www.hoowop.com/b/index.php?page=drinkr&cat=punches&let=B&drink=9357
It looks like it might be potent enough :-) I'll let you know if I find the real recipe.
I'm really depressed that Chuck Norris is suing over the book. I'm going to go cry now.
Ha, I trim my split ends when I'm bored at work :)
As for a punch recipe, it's not super strong, but it's delicious and I'm sure you could always supplement it with some more liquour:
-1 large jug of sangria
-2 bags of frozen strawberries
-2 cans of Donald Duck frozen lemonade
-2 large bottles of ginger ale
-1 container of sherbert
Mix frozen ingredients together first then add in sangria and ginger ale. Float the sherbert on top before serving. It gets nice and frothy :)
i used to have a really good punch recipe but it would require getting in touch with the ex. i love you virginia, but i'd rather gouge my eyes out than talk to him again ;)
and juno came to theaters here? i'm so excited!! someone told me last week it hadn't come to columbus yet. yay!
If you're casual Friday, I don't know what I am sitting here in my pjs!
I am totally planning a "I have become complacent with my job please let me find another one" blog!!
I wholeheartedly support you wearing sweatpants to work (you know my feelings about sweatpants).
I'm emailing you some punch recipes!
Dude, you got a new suitcase? I totally need one. Everyone got good gifts but me. =(
Haha, loved the letters. Che creativo!
As far as punch goes, my mom made a doozy this holiday. Two bottles of champagne added to strawberries pureed in orange juice. She even froze the juice mixture in a bunt pan to make an ice ring. How cute is that? My family had a giggling good time!
I hope my future office has casual Fridays. I'll rock that bitch.
Hi! I just stumbled upon your blog today, and I see a lot of the people I read have commented. :)
Have you ever had Wassail? It's so yummy, and I'm sure there's a recipe out there that would allow you to kick it up a notch. ;)
Sadly, all the really good "punches" I've had at college parties were mixed in a big white bucket, and I'm not sure anyone really knows the ingredients. :)
Anyway, I hope you have a great party!
i lurrve your new layout to pieces...what a spectacular view.
haha, Virginia I LOVE all your "Letters to..." entries!
More importantly, have you seen the Mountain Dew commercials with Chuck Norris. NOT A JOKE: http://youtube.com/watch?v=lu1wNxr9Sqg
o0h, and one good turn deserves another... BLOGROLL BUDDY!!
okay, i randomly found your blog through the comments on someone else's blog (yay, blogoverse! bc i refuse to say blogosphere. cause i'm so hardcore y'all), and i just had to post my 2 cents and say you win for wearing sweats to work. i am so jealous. nobody showed up at my job the day before or after xmas, and yet we were expected to go the route o' slacks. i have not the guts to say 'screw it!' and wear sweats. i bet chuck norris would give me the courage, but he'd probably sue me for trying to have the balls, bc he has a copyright on those.
i fail at punch recipes. so very sorry.
Oh VA I heart you. Glad Santa got you a suitcase and Lost, I may have to borrow that since I have yet to watch any episode ever and I feel like I would like it.
And that Chuck Norris book, hilarious. I may have to look into that.
Hope a new job finds you soon...er the other way around :)
If you're running in the shoes you should stop after 300 miles, I've read. Do you keep a running log? You'd probably be surprised at how often you actually need to buy new shoes. New Balance ALL THE WAY.
I wish Santa brought me a new job too!! And I also loveee the smell of new sneakers.
Also, I make sangria for a lot of my parties...not sure if that is "new yearsy" enough though. What about hot apple cider (hard obviously!)?
I am also a split-end trimmer!
The only punch recipies I have are the really lame kind with giner-ale and rainbow sherbert and NO ALCOHOL. Boo.
I don't have any good punch recipes but I did love this post - I always love to read the Dear John letters written every once and again....
I love that you wore sweatpants. You win!
Oh, I loved reading all of your letters and had a nice big chuckle at the Chuck Norris book. New shoes fix shin splints? I didn't know that! You learn something new every day.
Oh your post was quite deliciously hilarious! I also hate my job where they expect you to do things, and then have nothing to do... hello!
Re: the Chuck Norris revelation
*covers ears*
La la la... I can't hear you!!
brilliant! so chuck norris is really suing over that? what a weirdo. he should consider it cool that he's such a hero to people that they make up these amazing facts about him. no wonder people have started making up the facts about jack bauer instead - i bet kiefer sutherland doesn't mind! and black sweatpants to work? what a rebel - i may try that myself! ;)
Yay open letters! Love it. One of my friends at work was the only person working on Christmas Eve day and he wore his pajamas. One of the department heads decided to give a tour to some new employees and found him at his desk in his pj's! So funny.
He's suing them for implying he's cried before. His tears may cure cancer, but we will never know.
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