The Five

This post idea has been going around and it is just so clever, I can't resist chiming in too. The idea is that everyone--even those in serious relationships--has a list of five celebrities that they could hook up with and their significant other would be okay with it. Therefore, here are the top five celebrities that I would ditch my boyfriend for if given the opportunity. I don't think they require explanations. (Sidenote: clearly I love Alex very much and if I ever WAS in the situation where (1) I actually met these men and (2) they wanted to make out like we were high schoolers under the stadium bleachers, then that would be sort of a moral predicament. But really, there is like a 0.00001-to-the-bajillionth-power that this will ever, ever happen.) (Also please keep in mind that this list took a long time to compile, because I develop new crushes or change crushes totally based on whatever shows or movies I have seen recently.) (Enough with the parenthesis already!) The list:

#1: The Heroic, I-Want-to-Touch-Your-Gun Crush: Daniel Craig

#2: The Many Faceted, Loved-You-the-Moment-I-Saw-Newsies-a-Million-Years-Ago Crush: Christian Bale

#3: The Nerdy, I-Want-to-Show-You-My-Cubicle Crush: John Krasinski

#4: The Slightly Weird, You-Look-Like-a-Druggie-But-Make-a-Great-Pirate Crush: Johnny Depp

#5: The Beautiful, I-Want-to-Have-Your-Babies-But-Please-Don't-Give-Them-to-Angelina Crush: Brad Pitt

I debated adding Nicolas Cage to the list. I know, I know, I don't understand my sick fascination with him either. But it is what it is. How do you tell a heart that it is totally stark-raving mad? How do you tell someone who not to love? How do you catch a cloud and pin it down? These are Life's Big Questions.

And an honorable mention goes to crush #6: The Totally Inappropriate Crush: Michael Cera. I fell in love with him (and it's okay to say that--he's 19 now!) when he was on Arrested Development, which was quite possibly (I just wrote pissably and almost left it like that, haha) the funniest show ever. I still don't understand why it never got the recognition it deserved. Anyway, Michael is hilarious, has great comedic timing, and he is a pro at Looking Awkward, which is a fine trait in any young man. Other candidates for this category include Harry Potter (I mean, Daniel Radcliff) and Shia LaBeouf. And now that it's clear what a total loon I am, I'm going to bed. It's cold here in my room, the wine I drank earlier has clearly gone straight to my head, and all I want to do is snuggle under the covers and dream about Daniel Craig. Mmmmm.