For All the Wrong Reasons

Well, it's Valentine's Day. I had a gushy post all typed out and ready to go, but then I realized that there are very few people who give a heart-shaped crap about why I lurve the boy. So then I started thinking about all the boys over the years that have been the objects of my affection, whether as a crush or an actual boyfriend, from my innocent childhood years right up to today. And you know what? They all have something in common. I initially fell for them thanks to completely random, unromantic, ridiculous reasons.

Andy (kindergarten). One day for show-and-tell, he brought in a huge Little Foot stuffed animal that to a five year old, looked life-sized. At that point in my life, The Land Before Time was my absolute favorite movie in the entire world (though The Little Mermaid was a very close second). My sister and I would watch it almost every day and I could still probably recite the whole thing from memory. Anyway, I saw a kindred dinosaur spirit in Andy (and of course secretly coveted his Little Foot [that sounds dirty]) and so I up and decided that I had a crush on him.

Jeff (first grade). This crush developed because Jeff's mom kept telling my mom and me how cute Jeff thought I was, which just tickled my mom pink. One day in music class, I pulled Jeff's chair out from behind him just as he was sitting down. He landed HARD on the linoleum floor. I have no idea why I did it...but at the time it seemed like a fantastic way for me to let him know that I thought he was cute too. I got a really stern talking-to by the teacher, though, since he could have broken his butt-bone or hit his head. But you know what? Love hurts, man.

Mike (fifth grade). My BFF Caitlin had a crush on this boy in our class, Dan, and as her best friend it made total sense that I would develop a crush on Dan's best friend, Mike. The four of us would sit together in the classroom book loft and giggle uncontrollably. It was like double dating before we even knew what that meant. Mike and I were just two wingmen, thrown together by fate and Caitlin's love of boys who (eventually) smoked a lot of pot.

Adam (seventh and eighth grade). Looking back, I don't really know why I had a crush on Adam...maybe because he was a shy dork and I was a shy dork. Middle school was a difficult time when I was extremely awkward and hadn't figured a lot of stuff out. I wore a lot of turtlenecks and argyle socks ('nuff said). Eventually, I mustered the courage to tell Adam how I felt by putting a note in his locker, on which I had smeared some scented body lotion because I was convinced that it needed to smell nice and I didn’t own any perfume. I can't imagine how greasy and mottled that note must have looked by the time he found it. Yes, middle school was bad and my crush on Adam was just hopelessly weird.

Ben #1 (ninth grade). My first real boyfriend! We were both members of the JV crew team and in the same youth group at church. This was the era when everything important in the world played out on Instant Messenger after school, and it was all LIFE OR DEATH DRAMAAAA all the time. Ben and I had a lot going for us...we were really good at talking online, we were both short, we both looked about five years younger than we actually were, and we both had an affinity for laser tag and alternative music (it was a strange time in my life, okay?). True love, indeed.

Ben #2 (tenth and eleventh grade). Woof. Let's just say that he was looking for a date to the prom and I was available, and that he and his friends were responsible for introducing my tender self to the wonders of alcohol and disobeying our parents. He's the kind of guy who in college probably initiated all the keg stands and drinking games and at some point in the night would lose his shirt, pass out, and have penises drawn all over his chest and face. And now he is a bus driver somewhere downtown.

Matt (eleventh grade through the summer before sophomore year in college). A genuinely nice guy, probably one of the nicest that I've ever met. Again, we both needed dates to the prom. I think he actually asked me out in the form of an algebra equation, which was almost too extreme for even MY Inner Dork.

Alex (beginning of sophomore year to present). This could really be a post all its own. Anyway, we were at a party co-hosted by my sorority and his fraternity. We had both just dumped our significant others, and a few upperclassmen made sure that we sat next to each other on the couch and kept handing us beers. From the instant we met, he was the easiest person to talk to and the rest of the room just sort of melted away. Eventually we decided to get out of there, and we went back to his place. It was supposed to be a random, one-night stand. A rebound. But we saw each other again the next night. And the next weekend. And most of the weekends after that, until around Thanksgiving we made it official. And despite two absolutely awful rough patches, four and a half years later we are still together. Longest rebound relationship everrr.

James Sawyer (future boyfriend, pictured above). Not sure yet how we will meet and fall in love, but Fate works in mysterious ways.

On this Valentine's Day, who are you thinking of? What are your favorite or least favorite Valentine's memories? Or are you just hoping that Jack will wink at YOU in tonight's episode of LOST?