There are days when it is hard to be optimistic. When it's bitterly cold and grey, and no matter how much hot chocolate I drink and how long I sit here and hold the steaming mug in my hands, I don't feel any warmer on the inside or the outside. When I stop and look around and am faced by too many questions and not enough answers.What do I want to do with my life? What am I passionate about? What is going to make me happy? Why am I having such a hard time figuring this out??? I need a new job. Now. This one is sucking the life out of me like a giant cubicle-shaped sponge. I dread coming to work every day and yet I don't know how to take the next step, other than sit down and apply for anything that sounds even remotely interesting. I have dreams of starting my own little shop, but how am I ever going to do it if I can't save some money and not go crazy with boredom in the process?
Why do my very best friends live so far away? Why do bad things happen to good people? How do I help them get through this stuff if I can't be there to give them hugs and hold the kleenex and open a tub of ice cream? I hope they know I am there for them, how much I love them, how I would get in my car right now and drive halfway across the country if they only said the words.
Why does my leg hurt so much? No really, why? It started a month or two ago and I thought that it was shin splints, so I stopped running so much and have been doing other stuff at the gym instead. But this pain on the inside of my right leg won't go away and I'm worried it's a stress fracture (thanks WebMD, for making me the borderline hypochondriac that I am). I'm scared to go to the doctor, because what if this really is something serious, something that will cost money to fix, money that I don't have too much of right now? I can walk just fine, but running was a way for me to escape. To either ponder my issues and try to work them out, or just clear my head and concentrate on my music and the rhythm of my feet hitting the pavement. I need that back. I need my leg to be okay. So after all the icing and the new shoes with better support and the alternate workouts at the gym, why is it not getting any better?
Why can't I get the image of King Henry VIII with his gout-ridden leg (which I think eventually killed him, yes? or at least contributed to it) out of my head? What kind of history nerd-freak am I?! For goodness sake, there is like NO chance WHATSOEVER that my leg is afflicted with gout. And the most important question of all--why am I out of hot chocolate??
28 comments:
haha OH MY GOD, i'm sorry, I had to laugh at the King Henry pic, Virginia!!
As for the rest of the stuff, first, go to the doctor. It's important.
I was also super unhappy in my job. Definitely DEFINITELY go somewhere else, even if it's only temporary, even if it's just waiting tables.
I was going to quit before they laid me off. Every night I would come home miserable. Now, as you've seen, i'm about to take a much less stressful position on a cruise ship and travel, travel, travel!
Traveling's my passion - you just have to find yours. What are your interests? Granted, opening up a shop when you're so young might not be that feasible, but you know what? You can make contacts and get investors. My friend wants to open up a rock-climbing gym and he's so close because he has people willing to invest in his venture.
GOOD LUCK GOOD LUCK GOOD LUCK!!!!! Everything works out eventually.
Other than the leg pain, this felt like I was reading my own thoughts.
Gah. Life. Why's it gotta be so damn complicated?
i would definitely bite the bullet and go to the doctor. i am always afriad that i am being a hypochondriac too, but since it has been going on for awhile it's better to be safe than sorry.
and long distance friendships are hard - i agree! sometimes phone conversations can only help so much.
Out of HC! NOOO (today is offical blog about hot chocolate day)
Def not a stress fracture. You'd have to be some hardcore serious runner for that. I used to always misuse the term shin splints until somebody (who runs 100 mile races) kind of got mad at me, since he had has shin splints and thinks people always talk it down? ANYWAY so I've learned my lesson, and you can know this: probs not shin splints.
My sister had compartmentalism syndrome or something. WebMD that. I forget. But get new running shoes and maybe you should see a podiatrist?
ALL good questions!
I'm also very confused about life. Last night I was talking to my friend who's starting grad school and he was saying how he's excited because when he comes out he's going to have so much direction and know exactly where he's going. I was like ummm I knew exactly where I was going before grad school and now I have NO idea!
Why can't it be a little simpler?
And def. get your leg checked out! Or at least take some Motrin 600...it works miracles.
Oh no! You're out of Hot Chocolate? That's not good. It's only 1pm. I would perish!
Lots of good questions. Last year at this time, I was in the same boat as you are in regards to your career. I met with a career counselor and wrote down all of my interests and talents and passions and did a LOT of research and eventually ended up with the job I have now, which I love. It's helped me feel so much more grounded.
Go to the doctor, my dear!
And in response to your comment on my blog about forming a club for girls with cold beds on Sunday evenings, I AM IN. I'm especially in if it includes wine and Doritos (wow, classy)!
I definitely say go to the doctor, WebMd makes me a hypochondriac too, so not helpful sometimes.
As for le job. I say apply away anywhere but where you are. Try something/somewhere new just to get out of where you are. It can't hurt to try.
And *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* from across the country! You should just move to California and life would be easier :)
I might say I was in this position (job-wise) four months ago. I didn't know what I wanted, what was my passion, so I just took a job to take one. And it's horrible, not what I love. It took some soul searching to figure out where my passion was, what I would get out of the bed for every morning (besides shopping and alcohol and blogging) and then put a plan in action.
But don't worry, it happens!
As for the leg, dude, we are sharing a brain on that one. When something hurts, I stop doing whatever I'm doing that makes it hurt, then later, when it still sucks I go on WebMD and basically start writing my will. And then of course, I check to see what illnesses historical figures died from, and decide maybe that's how i'll be remembered. ;-)
Longest comment ever? Probably.
I am you right now on all those Whys. I hope your leg gets better and that a doctor gives you some good news to put your mind at rest. I should follow the same advice.
Amen sister, I am right there with you? What about being a writer? You are good you know!
Maybe the leg pain is a manifestation of your hatred for your job? Only partly kidding. What I thought was angina (thanks, WebMD) is actually stress-related heartburn. So yeah, go see a doc.
Thanks for confirming what I already suspected-- graduating college doesn't guarantee a great job.
Awesome. Mom lied.
I can relate to this so much. I feel like I will never find my place and what it is that I am good at. It shouldn't be this hard!
My why of the moment: is why am I not in bed sleeping?
Remember the comment you left me today? Stay strong, you are amazing!
virtual love is nothing compared to the real thang (did i just make up a slogan for a porn site?), but honestly, so many hugs.
i have hot chocolate at my apartment! (and baileys. or pschnapps. whatever you prefer) come over. we can talk history and vent about how life is so tough sometimes and motivate each other to flippin take the next step already.
ps are you excited for the other boleyn girl - movie style?
I think we all have these days.
I hope your leg feels better!
I have so been trying to get K to go to the doctor about his shoulder. It's been hurting him for about, oh, SEVEN MONTHS. He is so stubborn! But I know what you mean about the money thing. K asked if I could go on-line and get us Black Crowes tickets this Friday and I immediately felt incredibly overwhelmed. NOTHING ON THE CREDIT CARD!!!
I sympathize with you. Last year I was in the exact same place as you, although I was basically out of a job. I don't know if time answers all questions, but things do get better.
I would go to the doctor. Your leg will probably heal faster when you figure out how to fix it.
I completely understand what you're going through. And I'm sorry, it sucks big fat balls. To be frank. haha.
My best friends all live in California and I'm not there right now, they're all doing really exciting things and I don't get to be next to them to experience and celebrate. SO, I FEEL YOU.
And some days are just worse than others. I would say: Go out and buy some hot cocoa and some icecream, tomorrow should feel better :)
Wow, did I write this? Substitute the leg part with a bad hip, and is me too, all the way. So I know exactly how you feel-- about the job, friends, trying to find something you're passionate about. Until we figure it out, hot chocolate to the both of us!
blahh I'm totally feeling the winter blues too... & I hate that my office doesn't have the hot chocolate with marshmallows!!
I hope your leg gets better soon, go see a doc if it doesn't. Maybe it will be an easy fix?
Sometimes the next step is not so obvious and comes to us at the most random times, hits us like a lightening bolt. Don't worry, I hope you don't really get struck.
My best friends live far away too and I'm thinking about fixing that this year.
HUG!
Oh boy, I know how days like that can be... If I were to live a life free of consequence, I would spend those days hiding under my covers (maybe with that hot chocolate -- which is sounding mighty good right now).
Also, re: your leg... I would give it a week or so to see if the pain gets worse. If it hurts when you're just sitting around doing nothing, it is probably time to see a doc. It could just be your body trying to tell you to take it easy for the time being.
(And, trust me, you don't have gout! -- This is where I insert that line, "trust me... I'm [almost] a doctor) Haha :)
Hope your week gets better..
I'm so sorry girl! It must be that time of year 'cause I've been feeling the same way. Minus having the life sucking job. I'm sure you will find your way.
p.s. You are right! King Henry did die from the infection in his leg. But they were stupid back then and thought that it had to be HELD OPEN to heal so the poor man (who beheaded nearly all his wives and/or lovers) walked around with an open wound. Aitch. Makes me sick just thinking about it.....
Love you so much, VA.
Jen
Ewww I just read the comment from ashlie about holding the wound open and it make me so nauseous. LOL
All I want sometimes is for life to be a LITTLE bit easier. Or at the very least for all of these types of questions to not come crashing down on me all at once, but alas, that is never the way.
Just try to decompress, breathe, and tackle things one at a time. I often find myself so overwhelmed that instead of doing anything about, well, anything, I just sit and stew in my overwhelmedness. Not.Good.
So really though, Vegas/London? :)
answer these questions to receive the answers to yours:
When did you start that art class?
When did you start volunteering?
When did you look at grad school?
When did you organize a surprise visit for your ladies?
When did you join the kickball team?
Giterdone for answers!
aw, see look how quickly this happened!
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